Embrace
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Lynsey's death provokes an unexpected reaction in the form of an embrace.


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Embrace

Heart beating, noises around him muffled, Brendan carried her. He carried her outside, like she weighed nothing, a lifeless doll. Cheryl's screams piercing into his conscious mind, startling him out of numbness. It was real, it was all real. Another figure approaching, familiar. And then Joel, crying out like a lost boy wanting direction. He sent him away, he shouldn't see this. And yet the other stayed, too old now, too jaded to need protecting. Like he would go. Brendan didn't want him to.

It was all such a rush. The Doctor approaching, Cheryl sobbing. Stephen's voice clear, "need an ambulance". Brendan's mind was hazy, like he was intoxicated. He could still feel how she had felt in his arms, hard and almost cold. Gone.

The Doctor looked up at him, pity staining his features. Brendan knew before he said anything. "I'm sorry" he said, like it meant anything. Why was he giving up? Brendan would never give up, never. He lunged forwards wanting to do something, what? There was nothing. He felt arms pulling at him, restraining him from his own grief, his own need to _do something. _

But he knew it was pointless, that all was lost. That was when he knew, that nothing would ever be the same, that everything was tainted now. He didn't even think it, he just knew. And there he was, the boy with the golden hair, reaching for him. Brendan didn't even need to think about it, he clung to him like he was the only thing left in this world that made sense, and maybe he was.

They rocked together, Brendan's body still heaving with grief and regret, needing something, someone to hold onto. It couldn't be anyone else, it never would be. And Stephen held him with confidence, with assurance, his hand supporting Brendan's head like he needed him to stay in his arms just as badly as Brendan wanted to hold him.

It was madness, how the roles had reversed. How Stephen was looking after _him _now, and not the other way around. It was all so blurred and Brendan found he needed this more than he realised. Stephen was warm and familiar and felt so right against him and it was like they were alone out on the tide, the voices and shapes around them holding no meaning as they swayed together. But then the voice rang out, time of death, and it was all so real again.

Stephen pulled him back and Brendan held him tighter. He began to lose sense of who was clinging to who, whether Brendan had been the one to initiate the embrace or if Stephen had. All he did know was that he wasn't ready to let go, not yet. Stephen knew this and it amazed Brendan when he considered it later how he had known exactly what to do, even when things couldn't be worse between them. Brendan's pain cried out to him and he answered and that was it. Because they would always find each other, no matter what. In times like these, it was even more true.

Embraces couldn't last forever though and Brendan found himself wishing he could freeze this moment in time, so he could stay with Stephen and not deal with everything else. Oh how he desired it so truly and so desperately. He wondered why he didn't cry out with need when they finally let go of each other and all was silence, pure silence except for Cheryl's cries, reverberating around them, enclosing them in this circle of grief that would never truly release them.

But he was still here, still close. He could feel his warmth, feel his presence no matter how close they stood. It was enough, that one embrace, to remind him that not all was lost, not everyone would leave him. He might not be his, not yet, but he was there, real and tangible and Brendan would never really let go. The embrace would last forever, until his dying day. He choked at the thought, reality sinking in once more and then he had to deal because this wasn't a fairytale, everything wasn't going to be alright. There was death and there was pain. But throughout it all, there was also comfort. And Stephen had given him that, the only gift that really mattered. And Brendan would treasure it in the painful days to come.


End file.
